Just something thrown together for fun, not really complete.

But …

Maybe you can use this kit to come up with something?

Stems are as dry as possible — you know how synths can be with ‘release.’
And the samples (from musicradar) have their own fx from before times (the long ago).

Drum stem exploded for your mixing needs, no questions asked.

I tried to think of something funny to add, but I couldn’t, so I won’t.
(unless that’s funny — hard to tell with Earth humor)